What If My Husband’s Name Is On The Ashley Madison List?

In the wake of the Ashley Madison hack, we’ve been getting a lot of inquiries about what to do with the information that your spouse may be committing adultery.

Document. First things first, document. Take a screen shot of the site where you got the information. Make sure you include the website address information. Then, send the photo to yourself at a secure email – one where your spouse doesn’t know the passcode and won’t be able to get to it. If you have a lawyer, send it to your lawyer, too. You should also see what you can find on charge card and bank account statements. Did your spouse stay in hotel rooms? Did your spouse spend money for an Ashley Madison subscription? Again, take pictures of the statements in question and email them to yourself.

Decide. Next, you have some soul searching to do. Do you want to stay married? Does it matter to you if your husband committed adultery or was “just visiting” the site? You may need to elicit the help of your trusted confidantes to answer these questions. You may need to see a therapist. You may decide you want to talk to your husband about it alone or even in marriage counseling.

Discuss. If you decide that you don’t want to stay in the marriage, then you should make an appointment with an attorney. You should bring the documentation you’ve gathered and you should bring a list of questions and concerns. Together with your attorney, you’ll develop a plan for exiting the relationship in a way that makes sense for you.

Divorce. How will this information impact your divorce? It may and it may not. At the end of the day, typically judges are interested in doing what’s in the children’s best interests and fairly dividing the marital assets. We do still have adultery grounds in Maryland (some states don’t) and the circumstances that lead to the demise of the marriage are a consideration in several divorce issues. So, talk to an attorney about the facts of your marriage and the extent of the infidelity that you know about. But the dirty details of your spouse’s sexual escapades – while they will be hurtful to you – are are not likely going to be important to a judge.

The attorneys at McCabe Russell, PA, have offices in Howard County (just a few minutes south of Columbia) and Montgomery County, Maryland (near the courthouse in Rockville). Our attorneys have assisted hundreds of separating and divorcing clients. Please contact the firm to make an appointment for a consultation.