Birdnesting Custody Arrangements: Could This Work in Maryland?

Birdnesting, or “nesting,” is an alternative to traditional custody arrangements. When parents agree to a birdnesting custody agreement, they agree that their children will continue to live in the marital home until the parents can decide what other alternatives may work better. In rare situations, the arrangement could continue until the child reaches adulthood (generally age 18 in Maryland, though certain obligations may continue in limited circumstances). As a practical matter, it’s normally a good idea to test whether the arrangement can work before committing to a long-term custody agreement that involves birdnesting.

Unlike traditional custody agreements, where the child is continually transferred between the homes of the parents, in a birdnesting arrangement, the child stays in the home, and the parents take turns living in the marital home. In this way, the idea goes, the stress of the divorce is handled by the parents with less stress on the children.

How does a birdnesting agreement work?

With a birdnesting arrangement, the children stay in the marital home and attend the same school as they did before the divorce. The parents shuffle back and forth. This modern arrangement may be used before the divorce becomes official and after the divorce is final.

A birdnesting custody agreement can be included in a written parenting agreement, but it is only enforceable as a court order if a Maryland judge approves it and finds that it serves the child’s best interests. Even then, custody terms remain subject to modification by the court.

What are the advantages of a birdnesting custody agreement?

A main advantage of a birdnesting custody agreement is that, if the arrangement goes well, it may provide stability and security for the children. Divorces and separations are already stressful. Ensuring that children can continue in the same home, school, and neighborhood helps provide a measure of stability. This stability can also help emphasize that the child comes first; that the parents truly want what’s best for their child.

Other advantages include:

• Parents don’t have to arrange for picking up and dropping off their children.
• The birdnesting agreement gives parents the time to think about whether and when to sell the marital home.
• Children can see that both parents are committed to doing what’s best for their children.
• It’s easier for parents to spend quality time with their children, help their children with their homework, see first-hand how their children are developing, enjoy time with them and remain actively involved in discipline.

What are the disadvantages of a birdnesting custody agreement?

A birdnesting custody agreement may not work for every family due to financial and practical challenges.

Some of these reasons include the following:

• The parents need to get along reasonably well. The arrangement is likely to fail if children can still see that there is a lot of tension and conflict between their parents.
• There is a need for three homes. Unlike traditional custody agreements, where parents typically each live in their own homes, a birdnesting agreement often requires three living spaces—the marital home and separate accommodations for each parent—depending on how the arrangement is structured. The cost of the extra home can be quite substantial. The parents can split an apartment or house, so that the parent who is not living with the child lives in the other apartment, but this may limit each parent’s ability to maintain independent routines and personal space.
• Parents must agree on how to handle the costs of the marital home. This includes paying the mortgage, utility bills, groceries, and many other expenses. Unless the payment for these items is set forth in a written agreement, there is likely to be a lot of tension.
• There may be a lot of stress on the parents. Constantly moving in and out of the marital home makes it difficult for each parent to develop new relationships and to become part of the communities where they live (when they’re not in the marital home). Practically, it will be very difficult for either parent to have romantic partners during the birdnesting agreement.

It can also be more difficult to sell the marital home if finances become too burdensome to manage.

Factors that can affect the ability of birdnesting to work

Generally, birdnesting works better when the arrangement is temporary. A temporary birdnesting agreement can help children adjust to the divorce and help parents make better financial and personal decisions. A birdnesting agreement may have a better chance of success when parents work in similar areas, when parents get along reasonably well, and when there are a minimum of logistical issues.

Long-term birdnesting custody agreements may not be ideal because they can make it hard for the parents to move on and for children to understand that their parents are not together anymore. Children can become easily confused about the type of relationship their parents have.

Parents need to be on the same page on many issues and must be able to communicate regularly. The custody agreement should include a clear parenting plan covering regular schedules, holidays, and vacations, so the arrangement is workable and enforceable.

Contact our Montgomery and Howard County custody lawyers today

At McCabe Russell Divorce and Child Custody Lawyers, we understand how to negotiate and draft custody agreements. We can explain the pros and cons of different types of custody arrangements and explain your custody rights.

To discuss how custody and divorce work, please call us or use our online form to speak with one of our Maryland family law attorneys.